The Quiet Night and Winston's Thoughts
by Sadie Woods
Summary: In the night, Winston reflects.


Disclaimer: I WISH I owned the pure genius of this story, but alas; I do not.

A/N: I had heard of 1984. It was always one of those books that you hear adults mention offhandedly in conversations or praised by English teachers from middle school up. It took until I actually sat down and read it for me to realize that 1984 isn't just a book. Its reality. George Orwell may not have lived in today's society; but he knew the basic truths of the world. Big Brother doesn't just exist, it's ALWAYS watching you. Think about it. Just about every traffic intersection and store has a camera whose lens is focused on your figure. Your school's laptop has an eye on you constantly, one that the school can monitor you on. Those cameras see you as you truly are; the person you are alone in the dark when you think no one is watching you. The Thought Police are just as real. Have you ever wondered why people are censored out on your television screen? Have you ever noticed that points are downgraded off of your essays when you display even a smidgen of original thought? Why exactly do your parents shush you when you start to speak your mind? Why are you always so quick to dismiss that doomsayer downtown as crazy? The world is a much bigger and darker place than you think. 1984 may be written as a piece of fiction, but it's truer today than ever before. That being said, I originally read this book as a part of my AP English Literature class and was assigned the project of writing something about it. Although originally intended as a piece of flash fiction; it quickly grew a life of it's own and refused to be whittled down to fulfill the requirement. Therefore, it had to be labeled as a "Lost" chapter. Judge for yourself whether or not its even a bit worthy of it's inspiration's glory.

Dedication: To my AP English teacher who required this book to be read and had more than a few debates with me about it's relevance to today. Thank you Mrs. W-! 

The Quiet Night and Winston's Thoughts 

It was a quiet night. The moon was softly glowing behind wisps of clouds and the normal clatter from the street had dwindled to the occasional footfalls of wayward Proles making their way home from the various drinking establishments through forgotten back alleys. The house next door was uncharacteristically silent as well; no singing was to be heard tonight. It made for a soothing atmosphere. Midnight was fast approaching and with it came the morning and the end of this temporary peace. For now though, they had time. Now was their time to feel free, if only temporary. The Party was not in existence in this small spot in the universe, and Big Brother's all seeing eyes couldn't penetrate without a telescreen.

Their room was almost as still as the night itself. Mr. Charrington hadn't lingered this evening in returning to his own abode and they had wasted no time in making their way up the stairs and into their safe haven. They minced no words and wasted no time in making their way to the bedroom, where the double bed was quickly utilized. The bed-springs squeaked in mild protest for the brief duration, but then all movement stilled and the voices faded to heavy breathing. Now, they were one with calm that came from this corner of the world, exhausted in both body and spirit.

When the heavy breathing evened out, Winston turned to face Julia. Her eyes were closed, but no one could be fooled into thinking she was asleep. Her skin glowed an almost ethereal milky white from the light breaking though the window and her dark brown hair appeared almost ebony. When her eyes finally opened, they glittered like jewels. She was beautiful, that much was obvious from the start. How such a woman could be free from the influence of Big Brother was a coincidence that astounded Winston. How this Anti-Sex League leader could have such a vibrant relationship with him seemed even more unlikely.

In another world and another life, they could have gotten married. Winston could almost see it, the possibility coming to life in front of his eyes. They could've been able to meet for encounters in places other than the rundown apartment above a secondhand store in the lower class district. Winston could have introduced her to his family for approval and his friends with pride. That could never happen though. His family was long gone, a nightmare heavily repressed in the daytime but springing up in horrid dreams of guilt and fear. His friends? Well, who has friends in this world of distrust and betrayal? It was a sad daydream of the worst sort; one that tempts the mind but leaves your hopes rotting in the soul.

Still, there was a certain amount of joy from just lying beside her on the bed. Even in the alternate reality that their relationship could actually exist, perhaps the level of pure pleasure wouldn't be as great. After all, if they actually would have an opportunity to be together, they wouldn't need to run around in secret. They wouldn't need the freedom that comes from being in Big Brother's blind spot. They would lose that sense adrenaline that could only result from this sexual defiance. Their having relations wouldn't be an act of rebellion, but one of everyday love. This nonexistent pair would take for granted the freedom of having an actual relationship. They would be blissfully unaware of any other possibility.

But, well; wouldn't it be great to actually have something to take for granted? Nothing in Winston's world could ever be considered something that could be taken for granted. The wound on his leg plagued him endlessly. His job of "correcting" history made him more disillusioned every day. He had no friends, certainly no family. No one really did. After all, could a family ever be interpreted as being a set of hawkish eyes always on the alert for even the most minimal of signs of deviance to immediately betray any bonds of blood that had ever existed? There was never any peace, on either the smaller or grander scale. Who were they fighting now? Did it ever even matter? That small stretch of indeterminate territory would never ever be fully one country's possession. They would fight until the end of time over it; no side even really trying to fully claim it. After all, war WAS peace.

So what of Julia? What of his love for her and her love for him? Surely that would be some sense of comfort in an otherwise joyless world.

No. As much as he wanted to, Winston could never fool himself into thinking that they would last. Julia might be able to keep her head in the sand about it. She was an optimist at heart, as hard as that might be for those who only saw the stern Party evangelical who cursed at Goldstein to believe. She had had scores of lovers in her lifetime; a much relished fact and source of pride to Julia and the basis of the extreme excitement that Winston had concerning their intimate encounters. She was convinced that since all of those previous experiences had worked out alright, so too would theirs if they were both careful about it. She was convinced that in the end, it was best rebellious thing either of them could do. They could never make a big difference even if they tried. They'd just be labeled as Goldstein followers and quickly subdued. Having sex though, actually ENJOYING the act, loving and being loved; this was an act directly against the foundation of the Party. Sex was freedom. The Party could never control that. That is why sanctions against sex for other than reproductive reasons were put into place.

Winston was much more of a realist. Sure, Julia had succeeded in the past; but times were changing. More and more people were simply winking out of existence and history. Most were die hard Party supporters. It no longer seemed to matter whether or not you were a loyalist. The Party needed constant scapegoats. They needed proof that Goldstein was everywhere to keep the public in a constant state of fear so that they could be manipulated into believing everything the Party said. It was a very effective ploy. There was no longer any trust between anyone no matter what. If someone even saw a glance between Winston and Julia, even if it was an accidental look, they could turn Winston and Julia in to the Thought Police and not have a moment of sympathy for them at all. Even if they were the most cautious people in Oceania and never betrayed for a moment the state of their relationship or their intentions of joining the Brotherhood, someone could just invent some other sin in their character and the Ministry of Love would get them anyway. It was a no win situation. The fact of the matter was that their time was short. As long as they had independent thoughts and weren't the mindless sheep of the Party they would be found out. There was no getting around that fact. No matter what, they would be caught. It would only be a matter of time. Julia was wrong though. Their relationship wasn't the best act of rebellion. Even though joining the Brotherhood would mean more danger and a very likely early death, it would be the right thing to do.

Yes, thought Winston as he gazed at Julia's now slumbering form, their hope lay with O'Brien. O'Brien had as good as said that in joining the party they would bring upon themselves horrid tasks and a quick demise, but the Goldstein's book had made him realize that the state of the world could not continue as it was. No matter what Winston and Julia would be asked to do, it wouldn't ever be as bad as what the Party was currently doing. Kill a child? How is that worse than killing childhood itself by removing innocence and creating an environment of hate for the future generations to live in? Causing the deaths of innocents? Who wouldn't be better off dead where they could finally be free from Big Brother while having their deaths serve as a means to the end of finally creating a world without the Party? A sudden demise? Even if their lives would be over before they could make a real difference, perhaps they would make people think. Thoughts can spread like wildfire, and thoughts add more people to the Brotherhood's ranks. More people beget more people and maybe someday Big Brother will be overthrown and Winston and Julia would be remembered as heroes. They would die martyrs for a great cause.

With Julia's plan they may live longer, but their deaths would have no glory. They would die cowards, having been too afraid to realize that the way they lived would make no difference, but the way they would die could change the world. He would make her realize, Winston thought sleepily; settling behind her with his arm around her middle. She would see reason eventually. Fear can be fought and she is smart enough to see the truth. Tomorrow they will have a long talk she will be won over. After all, she did have one thing right. They loved each other and no matter what could happen; Big Brother could never take that away.


End file.
